michelel72 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
michelel72) wrote2020-02-23 10:39 pm
michelel72) wrote2020-02-23 10:39 pm
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Sunday snippet 2/23: Silver prequel (working title: "Uncle")
I continue to not post my mindscape thing. Part of it is that I don't think it's quite been set up yet; there are a few more things I should maybe establish first.
I'm working on a Christmas 2004 prequel, but ... so, the problem with just jumping on a writing impulse and deciding you'll fill in the research later is that the research maybe makes everything you've written useless. I read a fanfic with a ludicrously unrealistic baby, off the charts impossible, and I was feeling good about how much more care I was taking with the three-and-a-half-year-old I was writing, even though I knew I was guessing. And then, well, I watched some YouTube videos of kids that age, and near that age, and a year older than that age, and ... yeah, there's no way my preschooler character is capable of what the plot requires. And the plot doesn't really work if I push it out the two years or so that are probably the absolute minimum.
Meh. I might be able to rewrite it to remove the worst unrealities, but that requires removing most of the interaction with the kid, and ... I like the interaction. Maybe I'll finish writing this pass, and then see if I can write the more realistic version, and then post both as a choose-your-own-adventure kind of thing. Who knows. I'm up to almost 10k words on this version; the back end is sprawling more than I anticipated it would.
This snippet is not from the way-too-advanced section; as far as I know, this part's at least plausible.
"Okay, stop, back up," Katie says. "I'm not letting you slide past this." She pushes herself up to standing before either of the men can offer assistance, stalks over to Jonathan, and pokes him in the chest. "Yes, I do trust your judgment of people, you jerk. I don't trust anyone with the kids if I can see that you don't trust them. We've never had a problem with anyone you do trust. The only person you've ever failed to protect is yourself."
That is not even close to true, and — oh, crap. "Emma, Emma, help, the Mommy-monster is gonna get me!"
Katie narrows her eyes at him. "Seriously?"
"She is watching us," Jonathan points out under his breath. His making sure he could keep an eye on Emma means she can see him in return.
Making it a game worked, though, and the worry leaves Emma's face as she comes running to save him. "No, Mommy-monster, no getting Uncle Jon!" she commands, pushing ineffectually at Katie's leg.
"Okay," Dan says randomly, standing as well and picking up Jonathan's abandoned cup. "Jon, let's go refill your coffee. Katie, do you mind getting the girls started on presents?"
"Yes presents presents yes!" Emma votes.
Katie looks just as surprised at the proposed division of labor as Jonathan feels, but she shrugs. "Well, if I'm not allowed to get an Uncle Jon, I guess I'll just have to get an Emma instead," she announces, holding her hands up like claws.
Emma's eyes go huge. "Nooooo!" she exclaims in delight before fleeing back to the formal room, giggling all the way, Katie in unhurried pursuit.
I'm working on a Christmas 2004 prequel, but ... so, the problem with just jumping on a writing impulse and deciding you'll fill in the research later is that the research maybe makes everything you've written useless. I read a fanfic with a ludicrously unrealistic baby, off the charts impossible, and I was feeling good about how much more care I was taking with the three-and-a-half-year-old I was writing, even though I knew I was guessing. And then, well, I watched some YouTube videos of kids that age, and near that age, and a year older than that age, and ... yeah, there's no way my preschooler character is capable of what the plot requires. And the plot doesn't really work if I push it out the two years or so that are probably the absolute minimum.
Meh. I might be able to rewrite it to remove the worst unrealities, but that requires removing most of the interaction with the kid, and ... I like the interaction. Maybe I'll finish writing this pass, and then see if I can write the more realistic version, and then post both as a choose-your-own-adventure kind of thing. Who knows. I'm up to almost 10k words on this version; the back end is sprawling more than I anticipated it would.
This snippet is not from the way-too-advanced section; as far as I know, this part's at least plausible.
"Okay, stop, back up," Katie says. "I'm not letting you slide past this." She pushes herself up to standing before either of the men can offer assistance, stalks over to Jonathan, and pokes him in the chest. "Yes, I do trust your judgment of people, you jerk. I don't trust anyone with the kids if I can see that you don't trust them. We've never had a problem with anyone you do trust. The only person you've ever failed to protect is yourself."
That is not even close to true, and — oh, crap. "Emma, Emma, help, the Mommy-monster is gonna get me!"
Katie narrows her eyes at him. "Seriously?"
"She is watching us," Jonathan points out under his breath. His making sure he could keep an eye on Emma means she can see him in return.
Making it a game worked, though, and the worry leaves Emma's face as she comes running to save him. "No, Mommy-monster, no getting Uncle Jon!" she commands, pushing ineffectually at Katie's leg.
"Okay," Dan says randomly, standing as well and picking up Jonathan's abandoned cup. "Jon, let's go refill your coffee. Katie, do you mind getting the girls started on presents?"
"Yes presents presents yes!" Emma votes.
Katie looks just as surprised at the proposed division of labor as Jonathan feels, but she shrugs. "Well, if I'm not allowed to get an Uncle Jon, I guess I'll just have to get an Emma instead," she announces, holding her hands up like claws.
Emma's eyes go huge. "Nooooo!" she exclaims in delight before fleeing back to the formal room, giggling all the way, Katie in unhurried pursuit.
no subject
no subject
I have toned down a few things, and I was more vague about details than I thought I was in the first place (which helps), and I'll take another pass later. Ultimately I'm leaning towards just going with it; the theme of this project is basically "better to post with recognized flaws than never post at all".